September 10. 2014

Journal Entry with a forced action! today i couldn't go further then anger and discomfort really pissed off! not sure what to make of this human emotion anger/ i feel like screaming inside walking on thin ice for so long now and what more could i have done to it ... what more could i have said that wasn't further from the truth... i scream every day ... screaming from with in the sheets of this coffen that is no further than a misfortune... but i quiver wondering what would have been there for a fruther decision the shadows of my heart go further from the truth ... typing away from the incotinence of the truth... blah blah blah the truth and now i am here in the library wondering what i have done to it ... what could i have done to it... the truth that is of course... a diagnostic sequence of events that i couldn't stand and yet its a true feeling that i am so much more from screaming with in the bossom of my chest.... not having a panic attack more so a indivual asset of anger be-stowing my icontince... my hands are cutting off my legs hurt my body is non existed but what could i have done to further myself away from the situation what could i have done is echoing inside of my head.... i screamed out loud for the last time today ... spitting at the wall that seemed to be echoing sounds of an evil womens voice controling my actions controlling my thoughts... i strived as much to get away from it but i couldn't today... i couldn't today and now i have all this energy to further myself from the truth ... and what do i get it from it ... i am free writing my emotions today and now these emotions these feeling were broadcasted on faceboook for the majority of the public to judge and opionate my emotions.... take a deep breathe i say to myself but i further there thoughts through my own emotions trying my hardest to simply take a deep breath and forget about the subtle differences in the wind... is this true i say to myself each day i wake up is this emotions true, a next chapter or next stanza for my angered thoughts that i am free writing in typing my furthered human emotions that are some what retarded.... highly medicated to the point of no return what would i make of nothing i say to myself? what would i make of this day ? but i am given an emotion of anger... AHHHHHHHHHH! real monsters i scream from a coma inside of a nickelodeon commerical does this all make sense to me but what but what what i can't do is that my hands are tied tightly around this ugly ugly doomed future... deep breaths as i am pushing out this unborn baby but it isn't an unborn baby its an egg a golden egg that i couldn't go further from the truth which i am repeating my motions and angered emotions trying to organize my thoughts today they are constipated and frustraded as if a bowel movement wouldn't come out of my body A FUCKING BOWEL MOVEMNT ! A PIECE OF SHIT ! THAT doesn't want to come out and i am on the toilet screaming for release. 1. i am angry 2. why am i feeling this way 3. do i think i am who i think i am ? 4. why did i post information from my mind to facebook about nucleur spills... 5. who is my superior 6. who do i work for 7. who is there judging me 8. who can i now become 9. the bloody truth is where i am coming from the drugs out there are now blood hungered... 10. why o why o why o why am i free writing out these emotions to further myself into more of a grave... 11. man-bear-pig? 12. another south park episode playing out in my head again!!!! 13... we are all connected but where is the line drawn fro personal thoughts and what do we share and what can were can go into the future? 14. therapy ... 15. medical research.... 16. who is watching me! 17. who is judging me! 18... completely illerate to the sounds of the hungry eyes watching me 19. is this nothing more than a book or story or somewhat a televised scene where my emotions are what you eat ... hungry eyes seeking my misfurtone ... 20. wanting to be left alone 21. wanting to leave this emotions behind and move forward but what now! 22... what now!!! 23. wanting so bad to cry 24. wanting so bad to make sense of this retarded emotions or expressions or lsd perceptions ... 25... today i was spitting at the wall and my cat fiourous with anger that i didn't understand... 26. like a lab rat 27. like a dog 28. like an ugly duckling 29.